


Unsteady

by bluntbruhszouis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Smut, Some fighting, depressed, harry is v angry sometimes, holla if your reading, lots of fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 18:31:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4190475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluntbruhszouis/pseuds/bluntbruhszouis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are two kinds of people in this world.</p><p>Those who want to find the person who lost everything in the fire and want to save them. </p><p>or</p><p>Those who want to find the person started the fire and want to try and change them.</p><p>Or the one where Harry lost everything and Louis wants to save him.</p><p>Or the one where Louis wants to change Harry but he keeps setting fires.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unsteady

Harry doesn't remember a day when he _didn't_ feel this way. He thinks his he's always been this way. Maybe his chest has always heaved this way when he woke up in the morning. Maybe his hands have always shook like autumn leaves when the wind would spit their fury at them, trying to rip them off of their branches. Maybe he's never been able to look people in the eye, always flinched away from unexpected touches and maybe he's never felt actual love but he knows, deep down inside, that at one time he didn't panic in the ways he did. There had to have been a time where he could actually wake up and not want to smash the mirror in or could actually hang out with his friends and have fun and when he could be by himself and not have to worry if tonight is the night. Harry knows there had to had been a time when breathing didn't feel like his chest was fighting against blocks of bricks just to rise and fall and give him something other than heartache.

His apartment is clean. His room is organized. His keys lay in the bowl and mail in the holder and the milk has been thrown out because it expired today. But Harry had Zayn to thank for that.

Zayn.

Zayn's everything Harry wanted to be as a kid. He's the teenager that Harry would see at the corner store, picking up a pack of cigs and wore a leather jacket, and Harry wanted to be him. Don't get one wrong, Zayn has had his hardships but it gave him the edge and Zayn can still wake up every morning and at least Zayn could breathe with ease. He met Harry in UNI. He was older by a year. He studied English, law and the way Harry would always seem to watch him from across the courtyard during the day.

Harry remembers becoming friends with Zayn because he was wasn't so bad his freshman year and Zayn made him feel a little bit more okay when they were together. It took a while but when Zayn got Harry, he had Harry and couldn't leave. He didn't mind, of course. When Zayn graduated at the end of this year, he took Harry, the then drop out, and moved him out to a quiet place. Zayn took care of Harry, cleaning after him when nights were bad and letting Harry do whatever he want; be up until seven in the morning binge watching Orange is the New Black and Family Guy on Netflix, wear his shoes onto the white carpet in his room, hell, Zayn would let Harry watch paint dry if it made him breathe a little easier because after all the fighting Harry does, especially on nights like tonight, Zayn can't even let his own lungs expand all the way until he knows Harry's can at least halfway.

It's bloody knuckles and another cracked mirror and tears and shaking and _fucking hell where is that damn inhaler?_ and more tears and Zayn knows he can handle Harry when he blacks out like this but at the same time, he doesn't know if he can when Harry's thrashing in his arms at the top of the staircase, threatening to take the both of them down if he doesn't let go but Zayn just won't let go. He hangs onto Harry a bit longer and soon enough, Harry's just a limp sack of convulsing muscles and tears.

He's promising Zayn, he knows it's almost three and that Zayn has to be up for work in a couple of hours , promising he'll get better and that he won't do this anymore but Zayn just runs his fingers through Harry's hair and shushes him and holds him close.

"It'll be okay, Haz," is all that escapes Zayn's tired lips and soon enough, he's setting Harry in his bed and wrapping his knuckles in bandages and pressing weak kisses to his forehead before disappearing to his own room that always has the door open just a crack, just in case.

Zayn remembers the old Harry. He remembers the bouncy curls and the wide grins and the small smirks and the singing and dancing and bad jokes but that all changed when Harry entered his sophomore year. And Harry's always told Zayn that he was a sad kid with a lot more baggage than the norm but God, Zayn never thought someone could wipe that smile off of that kid's face and he definitely never thought it would be the same person who Zayn thought was the reason behind it.

Jason. Yeah, Jason Bayler. He was a boy who made Harry feel okay and for six months of his life, made Harry feel okay enough to go off and stay with him. Or, at least, that's what Zayn thought.

Zayn remembers seeing Harry less and less when he started dating Jason and he thought it was maybe, just maybe, because Harry found the one before he did. But Zayn's awakening came the night Harry was banging at his dorm room door, screaming and crying to the point where other people on the floor were opening their doors and looking outside to see that sophomore on his knees, banging on Zayn's door with blue knuckles, and sobbing his eyes out.

God, Zayn has never yelled so loudly at anyone but he was enraged when he opened the door and saw everyone just staring at Harry and not even helping. He cursed them all to their bones and sat up the rest of the night just holding Harry.

He'd never discover what happened in those six months but he knew something happened to Harry. Something changed and Zayn was angry all over again.

"I'm sorry for keeping you up," Harry whispers like every other time he wakes Zayn up in the middle of the night. "It won't happen again," is the promise he follows up with but Zayn knows better. "I love you," is his closing and Zayn swings his arm around Harry, noticing the flinch that comes from him, but slowly let Harry conform to him like so many other nights.

 _He's trying_ , Zayn says to himself, _and that's all that matters._

Zayn remembers a quote by Louis L'Armour that he read in school. "Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before — it takes something from him."

So Zayn wonders what anger has taken this time for Harry as he calls in from work. He stays up after Harry had fallen asleep and never once let himself blink in fear that maybe Harry won't be there when they open again.

He knows he should be at work, his coworker Niall is texting him curses when he comes in and sees Zayn's desk is empty like the threats that vibrate his phone. But no, he can't be bothered by that.

Zayn wonders what is taken from Harry still because as far as Harry told him, Harry had nothing to loose other than Zayn. No family, no other friends, not even a dog. But he can't loose Zayn and that makes Zayn wonder.

It isn't long before it's noon and Harry's just waking up. Zayn's next to him, typing away at his laptop, answering emails and planning and doing work stuff.

Zayn thinks it's mornings like this, morning after Harry is absolute hell, that he wakes up looking the most innocent.

He bats his lashes up at his friend and rubs his ruthless curls against the satin pillow cases and smiles-- _fucking smiles_ \--at Zayn as though everything is alright. And Zayn thinks everything is alright, ignores the slight stutter in his chest and hands him some tea that he made not too long ago.

"Mornin'," the older says, watching Harry sit up and ignoring the fact that Harry has sweat drenching his clothes and the sheets under him. He reaches out to caress his cheek then says, "So, do you want to come with me? I have to go to the school when it gets out to pick up documents for the weekend and then afterwards, we can stop to get some of your favorite pizza. Okay? Just go shower for now."

And Harry doesn't reply. He's going, they all know because he's too scared to be alone after night's like last night, and finishes his tea. He opens the door to Zayn's bathroom and leaves it open. He strips, starts the water, and listens to Zayn sing while he watches the water drip red and dirty down the drain.

When he comes out, Zayn is still singing, picking up stuff on his floor and nodding his head to the neatly to folded pile of clothes on the bed. Harry picks them up, slips on the boxers, and drops the towel.

It's the other boy's clothes, he notices. They smell like expensive cologne and cigarettes and a hint of meadow breeze from the fabric softener that Zayn buys because it makes Harry smile.

It's not long before the bedsheets are changed and Harry's sitting in the computer chair expectantly and waiting. Zayn is pulling on a sweater and his shoes, picking up his keys on the dresser then looks at his friend.

"God, Harry. A face like that could get away with murder," Zayn breathes. He sometimes can't believe that _this_ Harry Styles is also _that_ Harry Styles and that someone like him couldn't be capable of something like that. "Let's get going, yeah?" he says calmingly. Harry's grown to find comfort in the Paki's voice. He likes how gruff it is and he likes how he can hear it in his sleep because Zayn sleep talks but only Harry knows that because his conversations usually involve him thrashing around and telling someone to get away from him and Harry. And he likes that. He likes knowing that even in his sleep, Zayn protects him.

The drive to the high school that Zayn works at isn't long. Maybe five to ten minutes but Zayn drives slow-- _Harry hates fast cars_ \-- and they arrive just when the last of kids are leaving out.

Zayn likes his job. He doesn't like waking up early but he likes talking about reading and he likes writing and he likes his students and he likes the way Harry always seems to loom over him when he's grading papers and asking what they learned today and he likes the way Harry is always amused when he walks into the classroom because _Zayn, you hated school. I can't believe you actually work in one_. Harry remembers how Zayn would always stress out about how many hours of sleep he would get but now these days seem to be a breeze. He likes that about Harry, too. The fact that he can remembers everything.

He's sifting through his desk and looking at what his students had done today and he's so busy between looking between his endless stacks of paper and trying his best not to knock Harry, who's taken refuge in his computer chair, that he doesn't even hear the door open. But Harry does and the way he stops moving suddenly and moves behind Zayn ever so slightly is enough to make him look back.

"You bitch," is spat across the room and Zayn notices the flinch, he always notices the flinch.

"Don't be that way, Niall. I'm not out a lot but you know that I always order a pizza to your house when I am as a thank you for watching my class," Zayn sighs, not interested in the conversation because he actually is out a lot but he won't let Harry know that it's a problem. "Not like you have anything better to do. You're a sub. Plus, it's not like I make you do anything. I just give out text book work when I'm not here."

"That doesn't change the fact that your fifth period is an absolute nightmare! Bloody hell, Jessica and Lana almost got in a fight," Niall sneers. He's a new sub to the school. He's been here since the beginning of the school year which had begun at least three months ago but he's known Zayn since summer training classes.

"Well," Niall rolls his eyes.

Zayn bites his lip. "Harry, can you do me a favor?" His tone is gentle, not an ounce of annoyance that he had just shown for Niall. Harry smiles up at him and nods. "Be a darling and log onto my computer and print out the file of worksheets labeled Dante. I'd do it from home but our printer is out." Zayn has the old librarian lady to thank for keeping ink in his printer at school. Mrs. Conwell thinks Zayn is cheeky and always gives him what he asks for.

So, Harry types in Zayn's password--Harry's birthday--and gets to work.

"Who's your friend?" Niall asks, taking a seat in one of the desks and looking at Harry.

"That's Harry. He's not fancy for stranger so..." is all Zayn says before changing the subject. "Liam in today?"

"Miss your boyfriend?"

"Not my boyfriend."

Niall rolls his eyes. "I'm sure. But yeah. I think he's still here. He's showing some guy around the school. The new one, ya know? That replacement." And yeah, Zayn does know. He's the replacement for the other English teacher who unexpectedly had her baby last month and won't be here for the rest of the year. "I don't know his name. Wanna meet him, though? I'll swing a text-"

"No." Zayn is stern because Harry doesn't like strangers. "I'll meet him Monday, anyways. I have to give some instructions." So, Niall just shrugs and goes off to his car while Zayn and Harry finish up.

"You didn't have to do that," Harry mutters.

Zayn shrugs. "It's whatever, dude."

And to Harry, it isn't just _whatever_ but Zayn will keep insisting that it is and he's too tired to fight so he listens to the printer and rolls his eyes when Zayn hands him a stapler and tells him to "get crackin'" and staple every two pages together.

They're quiet for the next thirty minutes. Harry's stapling and Zayn's grading some papers when Zayn sighs and says, "I'm hungry. Pizza?"

"Pizza," Harry agrees.

They're getting up to leave, trying to make a mad dash before anyone sees them, but it's too late because as they're walking out of the building, they run right into Liam.

Harry's heard of Liam.

_"He's so dreamy with his buzz cut and  pouty lips and--damn I must sound like a girl gawking over her crush."_

"You kind of are."

"Shut up."

Zayn talks about Liam so much but Harry is still cautious when he approaches. 

_"I mean, a lot of people can hurt you, Zayn. You have to be careful."_

Harry's watching Zayn. The way he looks surprised then red then nervous. He has one finger hooked into the loop of Zayn's flannel sleeve where the button curves up. 

"Oh, uh. Hey. Uh, you weren't here?" Liam blushes.

"Uh...no." Zayn is equally as nervous. "I'm...I was feeling under the weather, yeah? Uh...did I miss anything?"

"Couple of your students were sent to my office but that's about all." And Harry vaguely remembers something about Liam being a consoler or summat.

"Oi! Casanova!" It's a chirpy voice from behind Liam that makes Harry's heart drop. "I know you wanna suck his dick but I need to finish this tour."

"Louis," Liam sneers.

"Z." Zayn looks back at Harry instantly, lovingly and carefully. "Wanna go," Harry whines, his cheeks burning red and chest starting to heave. He glances back at Louis. He didn't expect the blue eyes to finally be off of their phone and looking up but even with that, he didn't expect the realization in those blue eyes. He quickly looks back at Zayn and pulls on his sleeve. "Zayn, _please_." He whimpers.

"Harry, I kinda..." Zayn stops when he sees the tears forming. "Okay, okay. Common, babes. Let's go get pizza." Zayn looks at Liam almost pitifully. "I'll talk to you later."

"Wait. Har-"

And the voice is gone quickly. Harry's crying the moment the step out of the school and Zayn has to stop and hug him as he throws his apologizes out.

"Hey. Hey, it's okay. It's okay, okay? Everything is okay." Zayn whispers and it takes some coaxing but soon, Harry is rubbing his eyes and nodding his head to the words that come out of Zayn's mouth. "Hey, I shouldn't have done that. You wanted to leave and I'll see Liam later."

"B-But y-you like him." Harry's rubbing his eyes and he looks so _innocent_ that Zayn just wants to coddle him for the rest of his life.

"I do but if I ever pursue him, he'll have to understand that I love you first. Understand?" He doesn't. But he acts like he does because Liam just walked out of the building and he and Zayn are making immediate eye contact. Zayn looks at Harry and wipes his eyes then smiles sadly. "Let's go." And without even as much as a hello, Zayn walks off with Harry.


End file.
